VISIT FROM BEYOND

woke up this morning after having one of my many unusual dreams. my dreams range from scary to happy, but this one was full of feeling. it dealt with how i feel about the way i am treated by family. the first tribulation was my cat baby running away and my family wouldnt help or rather didnt care, as i walked along searching for him wallets and keys were lined up along side the road. i was wondering how could people leave this stuff which is worth so much sitting there for someone to take. baby, baby where are you why were you taken from me, why not take the wallets or keys. the anger grew inside of me and i started flinging the personal items that lay along side the road. the families way of helping me so they thought was by saying just replace baby take another cat, and they brought in a black an white cat for me to now have. some how a strange man came into the picture and next thing i knew they secretly told him take her away, we dont want her around. when i figured it out i jumped out of the car and ran home asking them why i cant go with them, they laughed at me and called me names. when i turned around to run away there sitting amongst them my grandma, who passed away years ago, i looked to her and said help me grandma make them stop. she looked beautiful just like i remember her, she held up her finger to her lips as to say quiet then whispered something in Italian and smiled. i knew she had my back! when i opened my eyes after this horrid dream all i could do was look up and say i love you grandma, said a Our Father and a Hail Mary too just for her. my grandma i believe is looking out for me.

HOLIDAY TEARS!

Christmas time was here, the family get together came and went. i am happy to say its a blessing, the "family failure" has did her time and was as usual just a soul sitting there. why in a family is there clicks, my younger cousins sit together laughing and talking about their commons. the aunts and uncles enjoying theirs. i sit alone, no commons to share with anyone. i think my problem is i need to feel loved by my family, my aunts spend precious time with their children laughing, talking and their mothers actually listen and care. i wish it was like that in my immediate family. i should give up on wanting that, its never gonna happen with me. my sister on the other hand gets what i want, the feeling of love and respect. i should have gotten to be happy on Christmas instead a flow of tears showed up, and i am not talking the happy kind.

THE FAMILY FAILURE

i wonder if you dont get the love and respect you deserve from your family, will the rest of the world treat me the same?
when it comes to my family i feel like i am homeless idiot that showed up on the door step and wont leave. family get togethers i am talked over, ignored when i conversate, and i sit there alone.
i was a driven girl since i got out of high school and tried my best to make my family proud, but only to fail due to something which isnt my fault.

does the rest of the world see me in the same way they do? i mean if your own family could care less, why should people who barely know me care too?