WELL IT WAS DUE

i would like to know if its normal for an ex. to be bugged by the other now having a new family with the woman he cheated with. my sons father gave my son a half brother, i am not liking the whole deal. the chapter is closed between us so why the resentment? my ex is unemployed and living roughly and now brings another child into the world for his total of 2!! i understand that this day in age 2 is a rather small amount, although him an his new "girl" did terminate 1 and few months later was pending parents once more. he better watch out she seems fertile and not one for birth control. i am happy its not me having a new baby, i decided 1 child was perfect for me and my health.
i need to stop letting stupid things bother me. controlling my personality isnt a possibility, i read about epileptics having personality issues and when it describes traits i fit right in. the traits arent very good ones more or less problems such as withdrawn, then outta control talkativeness, major mood swings and depression are just a few. i knew i changed after becoming an epileptic, i am happy to know that theres reason why it happens. my life is full of ups and downs but by having the knowledge of why it happens is helpful in getting me through. i hope anyway!!!

KEEP HANDS OFF!!

tim went out last night and since i stayed home, he crashed at his friends house. i could have went but sitting around sober watching people get drunk and loud isnt entertainment. we are together 24/7 so he deserved the time away. people need space, time with buddies or a girls night out.
i still have trust issues since being decited by a trusted lover of ten yrs. its been 2 yrs since that ended but my trust level isnt moving ahead like i wish. tim has never given me reason to not have trust, its me. i am still scared and its not fair to tim. although there is a friend of his who would love to snag him up. he plays like he is blind to her actions and words but i know and he does too, if he is actually blind then he is the only person that knows the situation and is clueless. why are other woman always after my men. find your own men ladies dont steal from someone else. i hate cheaters and husband/wife stealers.

WISH MONEY GREW ON TREES

short and to the point. i get very depressed when i see all the beautiful homes and cars, my old school mates are driving and living in. i am happy for them but very sad for myself. its not fair. but as anyone would say life isnt fair. im tired of hearing that saying. i want a nice life poverty is depressing, i dont need help with getting depressed. bye

DING, DING, DING!

memories are great esp when they are of something special. i had a memory the other day not anything extraordinary, just the old church bells. i wonder why they dont ring anymore, the last time i heard them i was a child. i remember when i was young when the 6 o'clock bell would chime it was time to come home.
i think something as simple as church bells is a sweet hometown bonus. the chime every hour could help remind people in the town about family, friends, your religious beliefs. i loved hearing the ringing from the distance even as a child. maybe its just me who misses or cares because i havent heard them in years. i wonder why?


while on the subject of church, i was always raised where the church was always open for people to pray, light a candle, or think. i went to the church to sit and sort through something in my head, it was still daylight and the doors were locked!! the world is a horrid place if the churches cant trust anyone and leave the door open. your also a terrible person if you abuse the privilege and steal from them. let the people have a place for solice and let the doors be open. i just couldnt believe the doors were locked, it was like a church saying nope go think about your problem else where no one can be trusted our doors are locked. SAD

all i want is for the bells to ring and maybe people in the community can feel like i did when they were heard by me.

Personal Cable! Ones Dreams

i have been thinking alot about dreams and I'm not talking about the kind someone has for their hopes and dreams. the dreams i am speaking of are the kind that people have when the lights go out and we fall asleep. i look at a dream like its entertainment while we rest ourselves. a tv in our mind, lol! the difference between cable and a dream is no one has the same channels. we all watch a different dream. i took a course in college and discussed sleep and dreams and what causes them, many different ideas and studies arguing this and that. i dont know and right now i dont care why. sometimes they are good and sometimes they are weird.
speaking of weird their are some who have psycho minds with the same crazy dreams as their psycho persona. i dont even wanna go their, i am not into a crazed energy or want to try and figure it out. lets leave that for a pro. dr. phil or somethin!
i have some pretty different types of dreams, some entertaining some scary with a touch of why am i always getting the shit end of the stick everyones mad at me, which is most of the time. i never have sick dreams so i know i am not psycho. well each night i fall asleep wondering what will be on tv during my nights slumber.
want to understand what i am dealing with? i dreamt i was working at a certain coffee house and other employees didnt like me, i hit it off with a certain famous person who in my dream was the manager. who in real life is gay and i have never felt anything about them. but during my dream i was in love with him and everytime i turned around in my dream i was topless!? which for some reason wasn't a weird thing someone would just mention oh hey you forgot your shirt! but as in real life the click at work would never except me. during the dream the manager was the only one, but the relationship wasnt sexual just a work relationship, boring huh? when i woke that morning i had a laugh that nights entertainment was funny and weird. i just dont know sometimes.

july 26

since this blog i havent had any dreams worthy of being remembered

NEW TO ROMANCE

tim and i had a wonderful evening last night. he made me a romantic dinner, and i made sure to look beautiful for him. wow, what a nice evening we shared just the two of us. i think a man that likes to be romantic are thoughtful and want to show their lover just how much they do love and cherish. same for a woman we just dont worry about the "what will people think am i a romantic"!
we watched fire works and came home and enjoyed some company and had a lovely end to a great evening. tim and i enjoyed each others embrace and drifted into a great slumber. i love tim with all my heart, i am scared if i lost him i would crumble. i trust him and believe in trust to make a relationship work. i know tim is my life partner. i just know how my luck is "if it wasnt for bad luck i wouldnt have any!!"





my morning didnt start as good as it ended, i couldnt open my eyes they burned , teared and where sensitive towards light. i was in pain. tried everything i could think of to get them to stop at least so i could open them. friends stoped by and smoked a funny cigarette and what do you know my eyes stopped and they are opened . i swear that smoke helped my eyes or i wouldnt have typed this.

SHORT

short and sweet..... i swear i am falling apart. my arm is outta control, just writing this is sending my right arm into spasms. another prob in my life. i am sure anyone reading my blog is sick of complaints, i know i am. sorry but my life is nothing but hell if its not one thing its another. i need my arm. i am too young to be falling apart. huh life!