THE LOSS OF A YOUNG HAPPY GIRL

its been awhile since i have been here. not alot to report on but i did have an eye opener.
i have changed alot since the time i found out i had epilepsy. i was 18 and still in school, at that time i was energetic, lots of friends and couldnt wait to start a life for myself. collage was where i was headed. that night i had the 1st seizure my dreams and life as i knew it changed forever.
my parents found me in my bed in the middle of the night thrashing and foaming at the mouth. their first thought was " i knew she was on drugs god damn it" i woke in the emergency room not knowing what was going on, with tons of questions to be answered, what did you take why are you taking drugs? my parents, i guess they always thought highly of me! it didnt accure to them that i just might really be sick. they even called my best friend in the middle of the night to interrogate her, she of course told them the truth. milissa doesnt do drugs i swear.
when the doctors ran tests and came in they told my parents she isnt on drugs and we are certain she had an epileptic seizure, they were shocked. shocked for one that i wasnt on drugs and shocked i had a seizure. they never did apologize to me for not giving me the benefit of the doubt over the drug issue. from that point life changed, enter the monthly trips to a neurologist and horrid meds i loathed taking.
i never felt the same after wards, i never noticed entirely due to being young, but the feeling was there. was it my medication was it my brain. from what i know now it was a combination of both, my seizures are coming from the side of my brain that controls feelings and emotion. the meds have terrible side effects, and make me withdrawn and just here. why me? when your young as i was i never stopped to take notice, but alot did change i wasnt the same ole milissa.
when i graduated i wasnt looking forward to college and had no ambition to do a damn thing. i had lost my ambition, until one day a recruiter called the house tring to get me into the military. i thought about and decided why not. i went into the air force, which is a challenge they are picky and expect high scores on asvab. the epilepsy wasnt aloud though. made it to my last week of basic training and boom enter the epilepsy!!! i wanted my family to be proud of me esp since they didnt think i could do it. i wanted to do something for myself and then dreams were shattered. i still to this day get tears when i see an air force symbol and its been 20 yrs. being tossed out and due to my dreaded epilepsy brought me a deep depression which my family thought was me acting stupid. it wasnt its almost similar but not as intense as a soldier coming home from war. they have seen much worse dont get me wrong its just the thought that my country doesnt think i am worthy. i wanted so much to be in the air force.
see how a life and dreams can change due to one night. the night epilepsy entered my life forever, and is only getting worse as age comes along. where did that happy, fun and ambitious girl go? she vanished forever in that bed in the middle of the night during that first seizure. bye bye to the milissa everyone once knew. enter the milissa that now stands before them who as i feel is just here and nothing more.